Let Us Know How We Can Help

Suffering is an inevitable part of living in a fallen world. But even more, Jesus and his apostles promised great difficulty for those who follow him (Matt. 16:25; Luke 9:23; John 12:24; 15:20; 2 Cor. 4:8-11; Phil. 1:27-30; 2 Tim 3:12; 1 Peter 2:21). Some experience a little more than others. But it is the path of re-creation. God is putting to death the old sinful creation and working for us a new creation where suffering will be no more (Rev. 21:4).

My family has seen it’s fair share of suffering with heart-breaking adoption struggles, housing difficulties, and periodic battles with severe, life-threatening, chronic illness. And through it all we’ve been taught to cling less to this world and hope more eagerly for the world to come. It has made us more patient, more faithful, more bold in our witness, and more in love with our Savior. We’ve always said that though we wouldn’t want to do it again, we are thankful what God has done in us through it all. We wouldn’t wish our sufferings on anyone else, but we do long for everyone to have the sweet relationship with Jesus that we get to have. And we know that it only comes through suffering.

In God’s good providence, he has decided that he wants to pull us even closer to him. Two and a half months ago I announced that my wife and I are expecting our sixth child due in March. I wrote,

“For all eternity, God existed completely satisfied in the joy of his tri-unity. Three persons enjoying perfectly fulfilling love, God had no need to create anything to be happier. Yet his love is such that it naturally overflows, his joy so abundant it runs over to make creatures to joyfully share such love.
So he created people in his image, male and female he made us to come together in our diversity that we might reflect his complete satisfaction of joy in our unity, enjoying lasting, fulfilling love. In this joyful reflection of his character, we are called to “be fruitful and multiply,” not simply as a command, but as a continuing picture of God’s overflowing love that both unifies and creates life.
For 15 years, I have had the joy of enjoying this love with this beautiful woman. God continues to fill us with delight that bonds us closer and closer together, making us more content to simply find pleasure in one another. But as God has designed, this love does not keep to itself. It is meant to overflow and create life.
And with that trust in God’s good design, we are happy to announce that we are expecting Pohlman child #6 to arrive March 2021.
Soli Deo Gloria”

“Hi Dad!”

I wrote that full of love and joy knowing that if I am going to experience such abounding love in this world as I represent God with my wife, then we are also opening ourselves up represent our Savior as well in his suffering. When you love deeply, you open yourself up to suffer greatly. Some spend their lives trying to avoid it. We avoid getting close in relationships to avoid the inevitable pain. We keep distance from people in order to prevent from contracting and sharing their pain. But in this cursed creation that we all currently inhabit, “Suffering is the exhale of love.” It is the path toward the birth of a greater creation. It is what we must experience because it is what our Master experienced. His love for his people led him to suffer on our behalf on the cross that we might join him in glory in the new creation.

Our family has loved deeply. So deeply it created a new life. And now that love is going to exhale a lot of pain.

Three days ago we went to our anatomy ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby and make sure that everything is developing properly. But we found answers to neither of those expectations. Instead we got the hard news that our baby has a defective heart, missing arteries, an underdeveloped brain, and the amniotic sac is separating from the placenta. All of these things lead to the harsh reality that our child (though viable in mothers womb) will likely not survive long after birth. The baby is safe right now in mama’s womb, so we will carry this baby to full term and enjoy every fleeting breath God allows us to share together. (No, Doctor. We will not consider “terminating this pregnancy.”)

Somehow we are not surprised by this news. We are deeply grieved, but we had expected God to bring more trials in our lives. We have been through enough difficulty in this world that we no longer need to ask the “Why?” questions. We now just ride the roller coaster of emotions as we try to move on with life as normal knowing that in a few months great tragedy is going to drive us back onto our faces.

“It’s okay Dad. God’s got this.”

There is a lot to teach on suffering through this and it will certainly come out in my preaching over the coming months (“Why?” “How do we endure?” “What did we do wrong?” “How do we do better?” “How do we avoid it?”). But the purpose of this article is to give you, our beloved friends and family, guidance on how you can help us at this time or help anyone in their time of trial.

Whenever someone close to us suffers, we all feel at a loss not knowing how to respond, what to say, and how to help. Sometimes we just say sorry and offer prayers (this is sweet). Some feel paralyzed and are unable to say anything. Other well-meaning friends offer Biblical hope trying to remind the suffering family that God is in control (we are aware of that which is why it is so hard).

All of these things fall short. And yet if you ask suffering people what they need, in the fog of pain they don’t really know. And so sufferers often suffer alone. And their friends often tip-toe around them “socially-distanced” (I’m so tired of that phrase and concept) not wanting to cause more pain (but distance always increases the pain).

So, I’m here to help you know what you can do for us and for anyone else who suffers. What can you do for my family at this time? The single most important thing you can do for my family as we endure this pain is gather to worship Jesus. I’m not kidding. Take your eyes off of us and put them on Christ.

Paul said to the Philippians that he is in prison, he has been beaten, he’s been left alone, and people are trying to discredit his ministry. He suffered far more than I likely ever will. And he responded in this way to a church wondering what to do about it: “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents” (Phil. 1:27-28a). Shortly after he told them, “Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (Phil. 2:2).

The whole reason Paul is willing to suffer is so that the joy of Christ through the gospel may abound in the church unifying them in their common salvation putting aside all other things. This is the consistent pattern of Paul’s ministry. He is glad to suffer with Christ if it means deeper joy, more humble service, and greater faith for the church. In recounting his trials to the Corinthians he says the same thing,

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
- 2 Corinthians 4:8-15”

I am more eager for heaven, more confident in Christ, more bold in my faith than ever before, because I see that he plans to use it to build his unbreakable church. I am excited to see that happen even through our tragedy. I want to see it. I need to see that the gospel proclaimed through these trials is bearing fruit in you. Then it will have been worth it.

I appreciate your sympathy, but even more I need to see you worship Jesus as worthy of giving up as much as we are. I need to see that he is still on the throne when there is chaos all around me. I need to see that he is still unifying his people by his Spirit as inseparable partners. I need to see that the promises of heaven are breaking into this dark world today. I need to see from you that while God takes dreams away from me, you are also willing to give up yours, for his sake and for your church family. I need to see that nothing, NOTHING, is as important to us in this life as pursuing Jesus together. I need to see that God is bigger than my “light and momentary afflictions.” All of that is most clearly seen in the gathering of the church.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
- Romans 8:35-39”

We often read that text individually (“nothing will separate me from the love of God in Christ”). But it is corporate. The gospel unifies people into a kingdom community that represents heaven together. Satan will try everything to separate us from one another because the church gathering to worship every Sunday “addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart” (Eph. 5:19; Cf. Col. 3:16) IS how we represent heaven to the world AND to each other to help each other endure until he returns or calls us home.

What my family needs right now is for my Christian brothers and sisters to put aside their political debates, stop arguing about masks and viruses, music styles, and whatever else makes you most comfortable. I’m not comfortable right now, but I see that it is by God’s design to make me long more for my heavenly home. Preparing us for suffering together is exactly why I have preached over and over this year that gathering together for worship is our most important task in this life.

I don’t need you to tell me to look to Jesus and trust that “God is working all things together for good.” I know those things. In my weakness I need you to show me how. I need you to put aside your discomfort and represent heaven on earth. I need you to be willing to embrace discomfort to show me that Jesus is worthy. I need you to walk with me through fear and point me to Jesus in your worship when I struggle to see through my tears.

Will you gather with the church this Sunday and give me a taste of what is to come? Will you sing with every ounce of passion you can squeeze out of your shy nature showing me that Jesus is worth all of this pain? Will you come close to me, look at me with an unveiled face, and embrace me as Jesus’s face and arms?

That is the best way you can help. Show me that my suffering is TOTALLY MEANINGFUL, that it is creating in all of us an eternal weight of glory (2 Cor. 4:17) by representing that coming glory in gathered worship.

Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus!