Eleven Days

How long does it take to fall completely in love with someone? How much time must pass to have your heart strings tied so closely together you feel each other’s pain? How long must someone endure great difficulty to have been considered faithful, to hear “well done good and faithful servant”?

Twelve days ago my little boy Ethan Benaiah was born surprising many with his arrival. His name is a combination of Hebrew names meaning Endurer Built by God. From the day the anatomy ultrasound revealed that his life would be faced with many obstacles we determined to name him with a purpose to fight and endure. Benaiah was one of David’s mighty men who was a valiant warrior. Ethan was one of the wisest men of Israel who wrote Psalm 89 wisely boasting in the strength of God to help him endure.

Our Ethan was born with a mountain of impossibility standing before him. He was born 7 weeks early with a significant and rare combination of heart defects, genetic uncertainties, possible brain abnormalities, and a very early rupture of membranes (his water broke at 25 weeks gestation). He needed to survive in the womb as close to 39 weeks as possible to grow strong enough lungs to help his weak heart. Because of the pre-term water break, Molly had to live in the hospital for weeks to avoid serious infection and give the little guy as much time to grow to overcome potential problems and be as strong as possible for surgical intervention.

Our little guy surprised us on January 29, 2021 weighing in almost a pound more than that morning’s ultrasound estimated. Doctors marveled at how strong his lungs were. They quickly got to work getting him on life-saving machines and medications, but they needed much less than expected. Our strong, enduring boy was fighting! He might have a chance to live!

Immediately doctors gave us hope that he may have a life after all. He was just barely big enough for a new procedure that was much less invasive for such a premature baby and would give him time to strengthen until he was ready for more major surgery. The plan was going well. Ethan was growing. The medical staff continued to be amazed at how strong he was, noting that so many kids have it so much worse. He had a few challenges, but those could be addressed with a couple tweaks in medication and another small procedure on his heart.

We went into that procedure with hope that he would soon be breathing free and would get to meet his brothers and sisters. We said our prayers in the operating room for the staff to work with excellent skill and for Ethan to respond well to their work. He was so peaceful and content as we laid him on that table passing his life into the hands of our new friends.

And that would be the last time we would see him happy. The morning went on longer than we expected. We waited for him to be brought back to us with a good report. But instead we received a call that there were complications and he needed to be rushed to another operating room to open his chest and fix a tear in one of his heart valves. They rushed a world expert in valve repair to the room who was able to successfully fix the tear, but too much damage had been done. They couldn’t stop the bleeding in his heart.

Hours passed with only notifications that they were trying their best to save him, but the more time went on, the more that gut-wrenching feeling took over our bodies, until we were called to a conference room to meet with the doctors. We knew what was coming.

With heads hanging low and tears in their eyes the best doctors in the world told us that our Ethan was not going to survive. His battle was done. He had no more trials to endure. They had kept him alive long enough for us to go see him and hold him until he took his last breath.

He lived eleven days. He was the most beautiful little boy. Our hearts were knit together closer than you can imagine in those eleven days in the ICU. In eleven days he captured the hearts of dozens of doctors and nurses. In his eleven days he showed us the power, the mercy, the sweet comforts of Jesus in ways we and those medical professionals have never seen. In eleven days he made the gospel more clear in his life, death, and (hopefully soon) coming resurrection than we have ever known. He gave us daily opportunities to point others to hope in Jesus. God tells us to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:18), and we are incredibly greatful to God for eleven days with this special boy.

Sadly, in God’s severe providence, Ethan did not have a heart to survive in this world. The curse of this world due to the sin of Adam and every one of his offspring made this world too harsh for our tiny boy.

We are a society duped into believing that physical health is the greatest story being told. We will spend billions of dollars and thousands of hours of our lives to extend and preserve these broken physical lives. But there is a greater story being told, and Ethan helped make that story more captivating to us.

Ethan’s heart wasn’t simply a problem to be overcome, but a story to tell reminding us all that we all have broken hearts that are not fit to live in Christ’s new creation. We are all born with sick hearts (Jeremiah 17:9). We are all on life support in this world, living on respirators to keep our blood oxygen saturation levels high, but at any moment God could pull the plug, and every one of us would gasp for spiritual air.

Don’t pity Ethan for only getting eleven days to live, but pity those who have confidence that they can overcome these physical problems, yet don’t have eyes to see their own spiritual congenital heart defect. They don’t know that there is more than a palliative treatment, but a miraculous heart transplant made available for them in Christ.

Jesus was born in this world the only one without this spiritual heart defect. He breathed perfect Spiritual air. Yet on the cross he took upon himself the death that results from our sick hearts. He took our defect and gives his perfect heart to all who trust him, so they can spread fresh spiritual oxygen to a new body that will live forever in a new creation. Without that new heart from him, nobody will enter his kingdom. Let Ethan’s story be your call to get your new heart to endure the rest of this life until you breathe fresh air in Christ’s heavenly paradise.

Eleven days is a blink of an eye in light of the 95 years Ethan’s great grandpa Bob has gotten to live. But your assumed 79 years is an even shorter blink in light of eternity in the new creation. Ethan’s eleven days were not wasted. Christ was formed in him as we prayed and sang with him and now he has a whole heart to run and sing to Jesus. Our little warrior cleared a path ahead of us to Jesus to welcome us with him into the arms of our Savior.

We are deeply wounded, but we know the death and resurrection of Jesus guarantees that at any moment those wounds will be made completely whole when he returns and calls us home.

Don’t waste another moment in this life clinging to anything that will pass away with this old creation. You may only have eleven days remaining. Use every single one of them (and any more he mercifully gives you) to run hard to Jesus and bring as many with you as possible. Ethan got his new heart the moment he saw Jesus.

Ethan used his eleven days just for that purpose and was welcomed into the arms of Jesus with a proud “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.”

Rest well sweet boy. We will see you soon. Come, Lord Jesus!